Posts tagged #myjourney

My 2021

I know 2021 isn’t over yet, but I want to write about my journey this year. It’s not a good year for me, but I hope yours is better than mine.

Started in January on my sister’s wedding. Yeah, I was officially “dilangkahi”. Was I sad or had a hard feeling? No, of course not. I don’t care about that anymore, as long as I’m happy, I don’t care. Life is somehow funny, because after the party, my dad got Covid. Yeah, my first experience with Covid. 

I have been battling with mental health issue. This time is worse than before. It came suddenly or I’ve just ignored  the sign from my body and my brain. At that time, I couldn’t control my mind and my body. I couldn’t do anything. I just wanted to sleep and cried all the time.

What were the reasons? I guess there were some. Maybe I was just tired, bored and under so much work pressure. Yeah, my work condition was a mess but one thing for sure, my childhood trauma came again. I had a session with my psychologist to reduce my symptoms. I made the decision to tell this to some office mates and my superior that I had a mental health issue. Some supported me and some said that I wasn’t close enough with God. Yeah, expected response.  Am I better now? I’m trying to. I’m trying to keep sane.

This year, I try something new. Driving and crocheting. These are challenging. I need to fully concentrate when I do that. I read more books than last year. The one that I was really thankful for was that I found a hidden-gem writer. She became one of my favorite authors and friends (if she allows me to call her friend). I found a fighting spirit from her fictional character and I can talk anything to her. She listened to my random talk and even replied to it. The most memorable moment with her was when I received her text “Kak, thank you for buy my story”. It meant a lot for me. I remembered that moment. Moment when I felt stupid, useless and all I did were wrong even someone said to me “kenapa sih kerjaan lo nggak ada yang bener dan bikin masalah mulu?”, than insomnia hit me hard, I read her extra part story and day after that I got that text. A simple thank you but it meant a lot to me. I felt appreciated when I read it and I got tears in my eyes. It is still related to books, my friend and I make an online bookstore. We sell books based on our favorites. Still small but I wish it could be bigger. 

Not a good year, but I’m happy to realize that I am strong enough.